danpritchard.com

Bad parenting advice

This excerpt from a CNN article caught my eye as the most misguided “parental advice” I have ever heard.

This is part of a document called “Ten Tips for Parents.” The goal which the “tips” are supposed to aid is preventing one’s kids from having sex, which I regard as a completely futile goal. Either they will do it or they won’t. You can’t change it. Parental interference will only make them hate you in the process. But that’s not why this is the most asinine suggestion ever. Read on.

I quote:
5. Discourage early, frequent and steady dating.
Source: The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

That’s right, parents. See, after all, the “problem” that leads to sex is that teenagers date. That much is true. So what parents should do is discourage the formation of real relationships. It’s much more desirable for your children to date sporadically, and with people they don’t really know that well.

Idiots!

If any self-respecting teenager cared what his parents “encouraged” when it comes to his/her personal life (which is a big “if”), this would still not lead to a lack of sex. The hormones are there. It’s still going to be just as likely as it was before. But now it’s going to be with some slut (or man-whore) in the back of a car that your kid barely knows instead of a guy or girl you actually know, the boyfriend/girlfriend, the one who comes over and stays for dinner and who actually helps your son/daughter learn to have a healthy adult relationship. So what if your kids are having sex? They would be anyway, behind your back. Accept that, and then your best option is to encourage a healthy, stable relationship, where at least they will be less likely to regret it, and become used to behaving like an adult instead of thinking that dating is some optional thing to be avoided and that sex is something to be ashamed of that only “bad” people do.

And that’s my soapbox for today. Thanks for reading, and remember what I’m saying when you have kids.

8 Responses to “Bad parenting advice”

  1. Comment by proceedcyclone | 11/17/03 at 5:10 pm

    True, they shouldn’t encourage their children to fool around with just any hooligan, but I don’t think that’s what they were suggesting. I think they were merely suggesting to discourage dating at an early age because statistics show that teenagers who date earlier are more likely to engage in sex at an earlier age.

    -Tia

  2. Comment by notnormalikeyou | 11/17/03 at 5:14 pm

    You missed my bold print. I purposely bolded frequent and steady dating because that was the portion with which I was taking issue. That’s the stupid part. The (acceptable) “early” part just happened to be grouped with it in the same sentence by the author.

    You know I am not in favor of excessively young teenagers dating.

  3. Comment by gfrancie | 11/17/03 at 6:32 pm

    Boy…that is rather interesting.
    I would think that frequent steady dating would be a good thing. The teenager would be learning how to be in a relationship and hopefully it would be a stable relationship.
    If parents are supportive of a carring relationship, it will teach both people involved how to be a functioning member of a relationship.
    When the couple has to hide what they are doing, or they are forbidden to be with eachother it tends to teach things like a lack of trust, and propels kids towards dysfunctional relationships.

  4. Comment by gfrancie | 11/17/03 at 6:39 pm

    where was the entire original article

  5. Comment by notnormalikeyou | 11/17/03 at 9:20 pm

    You can currently read the various sections of this Netscape feature story at this address:
    http://channels.netscape.com/ns/news/usspecial.jsp

    However, that link is not a permanent one, so expect it to change soon. This is the relevant content currently displayed at the above address:

    Biggest Factor in Teen Sex Choices? Mom
    Moms who have a close relationship with their teens can have a big influence on whether their child becomes sexually active. But research shows it takes more than just talk.
     Teen Sex: What Makes a Difference?

    The information I originally linked was inside the “Teen Sex: What Makes a Difference?” article.

  6. Comment by notnormalikeyou | 11/17/03 at 9:26 pm

    You make several excellent points, and this is exactly what I was talking about. The notion that article presents is downright wrongheaded and will lead to messed-up kids who aren’t capable of grown-up relationships.

    Of course, the fundamentalist religious cartel in this country controls the national agenda so much that a ridiculous statement like that can go unchallenged, even though any actual teenager you asked could tell you the most likely outcome of that attitude (teens shagging in secret, and an inability to sustain a real relationship, lasting for years into adulthood).

    Thanks for your agreement and comment.

    -Dan

  7. Comment by gfrancie | 11/17/03 at 10:13 pm

    The attitude also seems to be that teens have no sense of self-control and they are wild animals.

    I didn’t have sex when I was in high school. Sure I had raging hormones, but I didn’t go out there and hump everything under the sun.

    How are people going to learn to have a relationship if they never have one?
    It isn’t like you are going to wake up when you are twenty three and know how to do it right off the bat.

  8. Comment by gfrancie | 11/18/03 at 4:32 pm

    fascinating stuff.

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